How to handle holiday regression and hometown anxiety

Holiday stress comes in many forms — crowded airports, excessive shopping lists and the occasional Grinch-like family member. It can be a lot to handle.

For anyone headed back to their hometown, there are two mental health hazards to be especially wary of: holiday regression and hometown anxiety. They’re emotionally exhausting, discomforting and common.

What is holiday regression?

Holiday regression isn’t a clinical condition. Psychologist Susan Albers, Psy.D, describes it instead as a psychological defense mechanism. It’s surprisingly common, and many of us will likely experience it in some form before the year is over.

“It’s normal to experience a bit of holiday regression because you’re falling back into old roles,” Albers told the Cleveland Clinic.

She explained the brain stores “implicit memories” that can significantly influence moments like these. They unconsciously affect how we think and feel in well-trodden situations, like when visiting our hometown.

Because holiday regression can be trigged by severe stress or trauma, the mind can fall back on these implicit memories as a defense mechanism. These patterns happen almost automatically, much like a skill you learned long ago and no longer need to think about — such as riding a bike.

“Families also often get stuck in those specific roles, expectations and communication styles when they get together during the holidays,” she said. “Old patterns can resurface as soon as you step foot inside your childhood home.”

What is hometown anxiety?

Though anxiety itself is a diagnosis, hometown anxiety isn’t a clinical condition either.

“Hometown anxiety isn’t a diagnosis, but it’s a useful term,” Albers said. “It refers to feeling uneasy, stressed or uncomfortable about returning to your hometown — or your childhood home — during the holiday season.”

The psychologist compared the experience to culture shock, calling the anxious return home a “minefield of memories.”

You’ve possibly changed since returning home, as have family or friends you haven’t seen in a while. Perhaps your hometown has changed, too. It can be a lot to mentally unpack all at once.

It also means, when combined with the effects of holiday regression, that returning home can be an emotionally disorienting — even destabilizing — experience. There are some mental wellness tips that can help.

Tips to help this season

According to family expert and social psychologist Susan Newman, Ph.D., it’s the season to say “no” to your family, particularly for those prone to holiday regression. Instead of leaning into your childhood role, set limits and communicate openly with your family that it might be time for a few changes.

“Most parents don’t like traditions changed, and you may not either, but there comes a time for adult children when a change or a tweak is wise or at the least, their preference,” she wrote to Psychology Today.

“Expect pushback but stand firm. Almost all relatives adjust because they do not want to sever the bond and connection they have with you.”

Newman suggested setting boundaries around sensitive topics during the holidays, such as your dating life or weight. Hosting gatherings can also give you a sense of control and “home turf” advantage. Above all, be vocal. Many family members likely don’t realize they might be inconveniencing or upsetting you. Speak up and make your case, instead of regressing to the role of obedient child in the family.

For those anticipating a heft of hometown anxiety this holiday season, managing stress will be key. According to the Atlanta-based Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, it’s important to take small steps in daily life for the most impact.