The pursuit of happiness often feels less like a straight path and more like a booby-trapped adventure, similar to Indiana Jones. Just when you think you’ve cracked the code, an unexpected boulder comes rolling toward you.
If you’re struggling to find lasting joy, you’re not alone. Here are tips and helpful shifts to help you navigate it.
- Reach out to others. You may have good people in your life but have been out of touch. Picking up the phone and giving old friends a call can brighten everyone’s day.
- Remember that happiness is an inside job. No one but you can really make you happy, even though it may not feel that way at times. When I see a smile on the face of someone I care about, it makes me happy, especially if I helped put it there. As said, it’s an inside job.
- Don’t put all your eggs in one basket. If you are relying on one set of circumstances or one person to make you happy, it probably won’t happen. It’s good to broaden your scope of friends and activities. Also, know that engaging in new adventures can stimulate brain chemicals linked to happiness.
- Trust your gut. When we go against our instincts and it backfires, we usually feel sad. Follow your intuition and let it guide you toward people and things that will make your life just a tiny bit better. Day by day, your happiness will grow.
- Give meditation a try. Many books on happiness say that meditation is key, but most people don’t know how to begin. Local classes, online sessions, or simply spending time in nature can be a good place to start. The idea is to allow yourself to find calm, so you can feel the good things that fear and sadness often push away.
- Organize your thoughts. When you keep everything in your head, it can be difficult to get perspective. Try making a list of everything that seems too big to manage on your own. You may find that most of these things are easier to handle than you’d thought, and that your list is fairly short — but if you need help with something, ask for it.
- Stay away from people who bring you down. This may sound simple, but if you are living with people who make you unhappy, change can be complicated. Family therapy may offer a path forward. Many people don’t recognize that they are making life difficult for others, and in a group setting with a trained professional, they can learn to behave differently without feeling attacked.
- Remember to look at the big picture. Most of the things that prevent us from feeling happy are minor day-to-day issues. Once in a while, we go through something major that makes everything else seem less consequential, which gives us much-needed perspective. Don’t sweat the small stuff.
- Value your values. We all have a value system — a way we have decided to go through life, which makes us feel like a good person. When you know what works and what doesn’t, it can make your life a whole lot easier. The important thing to remember is not to lose sight of your values when life becomes a roller coaster. Keeping your values strong will help create happiness.
- Play more. Sometimes we get so involved in problem solving that we forget to take time to have fun. You may have to block out a day for fun in your calendar. It’s good to feel a little joy to keep you going and growing.
We all move through difficult phases, and some people are naturally happier than others. Try to avoid comparing your life and theirs. Happiness is here for you, and using these practices will allow you to experience it more often.
Barton Goldsmith, Ph.D., is an award-winning psychotherapist and humanitarian. He is also a columnist, the author of eight books and a blogger for PsychologyToday.com with nearly 35 million readers. He is available for in-person and video consults worldwide, reach him at Barton@BartonGoldsmith.com.
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